My Conversation with a woman who only dates married men.
I met this girl online who requested to keep her identity private. She lives in the local area, and following an intriguing online conversation, she agreed to meet with me for an interview. I had seen her picture online, which reveals, I have to admit, that she is quite beautiful. But when she walked into the coffee shop and stopped to look around for me, every man in the place stopped with her. She was dressed for the part. She wore a very tight seer black dress that clung to every inch of her and there were no lines visible to assume there was anything underneath. Her hair was blonde and draped down to cradle her porcelain skin and she was as tall as me, standing 6'2". Perhaps with a slight advantage as a result of her black heels. I raised my hand and she smiled. I had then noticed that everything had gotten very quiet when the conversations in the coffee shop began to start back up. I wondered how often these moments occurred for her.
She approached the table and asked if we could sit outside. She peered at her small purse with some frustration. Her phone was buzzing. We settled outside and I set up my notepad and recorder. I assured her that I had no need for her identity nor her picture. Her phone continued to ring and she apologized. I said I didn't mind if she answered it. She stated, "It's over, he just hasn't accepted it yet. "
This seemed a good place to begin. She informed me that the man calling was a prominent doctor in town she had met at a party for a mutual friend in Jackson. I knew the doctor she spoke of, and I had to smile. No one deserved it more. She admitted she left him because he came to her three nights earlier stating that he had confessed to his wife everything and was seeking a divorce. He wanted her to leave with him for vacation. She shook her head as the phone continued to ring and finally turned it off.
What was compelling to me was that she admitted that she cared for him. It was as if the act of telling his wife was also a betrayal to her. She explained that it felt safer to know that he had to leave to return to his wife. It freed her from the responsibility of getting attached to him. I could see the issue was painful for her. She admitted that she felt sorry for his wife but it was his fault she was suffering now. "I told him I wasn't looking for a husband. I told him I wasn't seeing anyone else but I didn't want to be his wife. "
She admitted that she wouldn't blame the wife for hating her, but she knew her husband better than anyone. I asked if the wife knew her identity. She confided that she had been getting calls and hang-ups but that was typical wife behavior. Somewhat astonished, I asked her to clarify "typical wife behavior ". She looked at me with a knowing smile and stated, "He wasn't my first. "
We live in the second largest city in our state, but it's still small enough that everyone knows everyone. She listed a who's who of local men she had dated in the past. Some I knew and some I didn't, all were married. I asked if there had been a heart break in her past that had made her prefer the detachment of married men. She shook her head and I could tell she was being honest. She admitted to having a relationship once that nearly resulted in a marriage but it was her that backed out. "As each day approached to the wedding date, I felt I couldn't breathe. Everyone was so happy for me but I just wanted to run away. "
She gave me a flirtatious smile and asked if I was seeing anyone. I admitted that I was single by choice but could probably get a date reasonably easy. Before I knew it, she had turned the table on me and I was being interviewed. She asked if I noticed how women look at me. Men are quite obvious because they want their eyes to meet with hers. But men will never notice the women looking at them unless she wants them to. She revealed that women look at me and that I could easily be what she is. I had to inquire what she claimed herself to be. Her eyes went to her hands and she paused a moment and replied, "I guess I'm a monster. "
It was then clear to me. She could not experience feelings of intimacy without the feelings of claustrophobia that accompanied. She was muscular, manicured, her smile perfect and like porcelain but inside, she was frightened of commitment. I asked her then if she felt self-conscious around married men and she confirmed my suspicions. She felt quite the contrary, she felt empowered.
Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com
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