I have often been labeled a player, but I describe myself as happily single. There are differences between what is commonly known as a player and my personal lifestyle and relationship choices.
Player is typically a derogatory term that describes one that misleads a partner with a false self representation for the purpose of getting them into bed. I do not mislead anyone and everyone with whom I have relations is well aware I am not seeking a committed involvement with anyone.
It has been my experience that cheaters do so solely as a result of a childish need sample everything on the table. I have studied psychology and I have never once seen an instance where cheating occurred as a result of childhood trauma, fear of commitment or a troubled prior relationship history. In every instance, cheaters have exhibited the same behavior. Take them to a buffet and they will fill their plates with a little of everything.
Women especially are surprised to learn their partner's lover is often less attractive, in poor shape and perhaps more openly promiscuous so to speak. This is not uncommon. Slumming it seems to be the norm among male cheaters out looking for some strange.
Studies have shown cheaters consider their partners more attractive than their affair mates. Only 30 percent of men cheated with women younger than their significant others. Only 1/4 described their affair mates as more interesting or in better shape than their significant others.
Male cheaters often describe their affair mates as better listeners, more passionate and caring than their significant others. However, in any other scenario other than infidelity counselors would call foul at such nonsense citing this as an excuse response. If I found my lover to be more passionate, caring and more genuinely invested in my feelings I would leave my significant other. If discovered, I certainly would not beg her forgiveness and vow to never do it again.
So why cheat? As mentioned earlier, I see no need to mislead anyone about myself or my desire to remain non-committed. I don't feel I need to initially state up front my position with every person I meet. If I see the person is beginning to move us beyond friendship I do make it clear I have no intention of being anyone's partner. I have personal goals for myself that require my full attention. This is not to say I do not welcome close friendship or cuddling or even more.
My female cheating friends often say their affair partners are better listeners; more affectionate, more passionate and more attentive to their emotional needs than their significant others. Perhaps this is true as women value these relationship traits in general. However, in almost every instance among my female cheater friends a few other factors are at play. I have found they prefer affair partners who are more attractive, in better shape and earn more money than their significant others.
Many studies and articles have addressed cheating in relationships and infidelity in marriages. But how can a study accurately represent the facts if the participants are inherently known cheaters and liars? Perhaps an accurate study requires close examination of a cheater in his/her natural habitat. I have often been mislabeled as a cheater myself. So perhaps my colors somewhat resemble that of genuine cheaters. For this reason cheaters open up to me more than they would anyone else, stating I know what it's like to be the way they are.
To the untrained eye, perhaps I do resemble a cheater being seen out with a different partner most every weekend.
Cheaters I have encountered typically live stressful and constantly tumultuous double lives. They exist like criminals on the run always in hiding as a result of their own dishonesty. In general, they do not seem to be happy with themselves or capable of achieving satisfaction in committed relationships.
To the untrained eye, perhaps I do resemble a cheater being seen out with a different partner most every weekend. But I have found honesty and full disclosure to be the best policy. This has enabled me to operate out in the open without fear of who sees me or with whom. This is the difference between being a cheater and being happily single.
Source:
Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com
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