Walmart Shopping Undercover

Recommended disguises by celebs when shopping at Wal-Mart

There is an urban legend that says you will typically run into people you don't want to see while shopping at Wal-Mart. I have to agree. I have a ritual when I plan to go grocery shopping. I put on a hat, large shades and non-descript clothing. When I walk into the large sliding glass doors, customers begin to whisper wondering if I am a celebrity or something. "Excuse me, but haven't I seen you on television?"

Other than the occasional autograph, I rarely get noticed by my ex girlfriend, my boss whom I've told I was sick or friends whom I owe money. The trick is to get in and out fast! A detailed shopping list should be arranged in order along a well rehearsed route that ends at the express lane. I purchase a Wal-Mart cash card online to ensure I don’t get held up in the line too long and further risk exposure. A large gossip publication is useful to hide my face in particularly long lines. I recommend National Inquirer when my own torrid affairs aren't scrawled across their front page.

Inevitably, even with all your efforts, someone will no doubt identify you. Play it off and don't act suspicious. Raise your eyebrows and smile wide as if they were the exact person you have been hoping to see while at Wal-Mart. Take off your shades now because you no longer require them.

Hug the ex girlfriend, boss, your mother or your friend and nonchalantly explain your well rehearsed dialog of why you are dressed like a secret agent in Wal-Mart. "Yes, I realize your current lover looks ten times better than I do but I didn't feel like getting dressed up. Yes, I am still very sick, sir. Notice I have a box of Nyquil here. I love you too, mom. And I will try to get home more often to be berated on my torrid lifestyle. Dude! I swear I cashed the check yesterday and will have your money to you by tomorrow!"

Another good saying is, "If you can't find it at Wal-Mart, It can't be bought." I have certainly found my experiences at Wal-Mart to be priceless!

Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com