I depend less upon others these days and find I am more reliant upon myself. I've come to notice I am quite capable of handling my own issues. I prepare for the unexpected and constantly remind myself that I need to hold back a little each paycheck for emergencies. Becoming a father is a big part of this change from my flippant youth. I soon found I could not rely upon others to get me out of a jam when it could affect my child's security.
There was a time when I could never be depended upon for even the simplest of tasks. I was the last person friends or family would ask when in need. You must surely be at the end of your rope if you called upon me. My transformation to what could be considered a reliable friend and family member did not happen over night. It came as a result of a series of hard choices and the cold realization that no one else was going to be there for me.
I had once been what those who knew me described as a free spirit. I floated through my days rather than walked with steady deliberation. I felt I needed little for myself and often wondered how I got by with such little effort on my part. I had taken for granted my parents were supporting me. After college, I could have probably gotten on my feet sooner had I been faced with the reality of homelessness. But my parents took me in. They had been divorced for years by this time so I had my choice of three homes where I could crash. In fact, I considered this arrangement as one with the means would consider his home in the city and vacation house in the Hamptons. I was regarded among friends and associates as a grown child living perpetually upon the good nature of others.
An unfortunate series of events soon placed me in a position to help another. It occurred to me that I was in no position myself to step in and change the tragic circumstances this person faced. But when I looked into her eyes I could not turn away. She captivated my heart in a way that no one else had ever been able to do. I had never felt this sort of bond before. I knew if I walked away from this little person she would surely never recover.
People in my life scolded me harshly in those first days. I admit my ego was somewhat bruised by the realization friends and family had so little faith in my ability to handle this new project I had taken on. Perhaps the most biting of criticism was when my own mother informed me this was not some puppy I had brought home. But this little girl had all the faith in the world in me and I knew I could not let her down. Her future rested in my hands. But these hands had no job.
I had put off finding a career after college. I was met with resistance in a highly competitive field with few available openings in our area. The job situation was bleak I was fond of saying whenever someone would encourage me to seek employment. The failing economy was tough on everyone and I could not be held to blame for my lack of means. This argument had served me well in the past. It did not serve me well in regard to this little person in my life. Summer vacation was fast drawing to a close and I had a pile of responsibilities to address before she returned to school. This little bright ray of sunshine had become accustomed to a certain lifestyle.
Under mounting pressure and intense scrutiny from everyone that knew me, I did the unthinkable. I got hired by not one, but two fast food locations. I knew it would not be easy but I was guaranteed at least 12 hours of work a day with no days off. The revelation floored those that knew me. They had to come to my work to see it for themselves. I admit I felt the sting of my wounded pride beneath my paper hat. But I was doing what had to be done to help this little girl. The day arrived for her to start school and I had easily cleared enough hours to provide her new clothes, supplies and even her Soccer uniform.
I was exhausted and thankfully my parents began to ease up on the criticism. Between my parents and the child's own grandmother, they shared the responsibility of caring for this child while I was at work from 5 am until well after midnight each day. I promised them it would only be temporary. I was sure the child's unfortunate situation would be resolved soon and I would be let off the hook. This was not the case.
The little girl's mother suffered from substance abuse and her father nowhere to be found. She had a loving grandmother but she was too frail to take on raising the little girl alone. I had met the girl's mother and we shared a very brief relationship. During the course of these few weeks I acquired the responsibility of caring for her eleven year old daughter. Now it appeared as if the task would extend longer than I had originally planned. Also, the child was getting attached to me and I was definitely attached to her.
The situation was heartbreaking as it began to unravel. We feared for a time, the child's mother may die as a result of the drug use complicated by her diabetes. The mother was in no state to provide for her daughter and would not likely be for a long while. There was no resistance from anyone when the grandmother suggested I take temporary custody of the child. The mother agreed it would be better as well. She knew her situation and the long road to recovery ahead of her. I signed the papers and soon after, a judge made it legal. I was the child's legal father.
I had worked two jobs for so long it seemed natural to me. My whole family helped me with my task. They soon learned I had committed to this and it had forever changed me. In less than two years I had gone from living off my parents to reviewing potential homes in my child's school district. My old priorities were once buying nice clothes for myself, trimming out my sport car and sipping tangy cocktails. My new priorities still included buying new clothes just not for myself. My sports car would soon be traded for a more economical family friendly SUV. And I sipped on antacid for the most part. I jokingly commented once, "I'm not sure if I have become Claire's father as much as I have become my father."
Today I love my 18 year old daughter. The fact that my parents lovingly describe her as free spirit has not gone unnoticed by me. She sits in her sweatpants and "Roll Tide" college jersey staring in perpetual boredom at my television. We have discussed tentatively her need to get up and get a job. Without taking her eyes from the television she thumbs the cheese from her pizza and informs me, "The job situation is bleak, daddy."
Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com
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