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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Heroin and Legalized Gateway Drugs

Bayer once sold Heroin over the counter
before it was deemed illegal in the US.
Heroin can be considered the most deadly drug on the face of the planet. It comes from the poppy plant which exudes a poisonous liquid injected into the veins of addicts. Those addicted to heroin can receive a few hours of euphoria but in return a short lifetime of pain and misery as the addiction consumes every part of their being.
Heroin Facts
The global heroin industry can be linked to international terror and crime and is intertwined into the fabric of our society. The wars of America fights as a nation are on many fronts. In this manner, heroin is a very real weapon of mass destruction. Both at home and abroad, we fight a daily battle in a desperate attempt to end the reign of heroin worldwide. The $300 billion dollar per year global industry is fought by our allied nations, our military, and by our police on the streets in our city communities.
Gateways to Crime & Addiction
Homelessness, prostitution, robberies and violent crimes can be directly attributed at least in part by drug addiction. Addicts typically report the same activities during their downward spiral into addiction. They begin smoking marijuana which leads to harder drugs like heroin. They begin to sell marijuana to support their heroin habit. And when the earnings from marijuana can no longer keep up with their habit they resort to prostitution and crime. This cycle is why marijuana often referred to as a gateway drug. However, supporters of marijuana legalization argue that marijuana can be taken from the cycle is legalized.
What is a Gateway Drug?
Those against legalizing marijuana say it is the search for a stronger high beyond that of marijuana that makes it a gateway drug. Historically, this was the same argument that led to the prohibition of alcohol. Although legislation is considering the legalization of marijuana, legalization of drugs like heroin is not likely to ever be legalized. Heroin causes physical changes in the brain resulting in a physical dependence upon the substance. Addicts with a physical addiction to heroin will experience physical withdrawal if they are unable to get access to the drug.
Similarities of Alcohol & Heroin
Like long term heroin abuse, chronic alcoholism results from similar physical changes in the brain and cause a similar physical withdrawal with the alcoholic attempts to quit drinking. Alcohol which has a stronger euphoric effect has been shown to cause deterioration of the liver with long-term use. It contributes to domestic violence and families, homelessness, and DUI related deaths. Perhaps drugs like heroin should not ever be legal for use due to their harmful effects. But should the same standards that make drugs like heroin illegal be applied to all drug forms used legally?

Friday, November 29, 2013

Creative Bridal Shower Ideas

My mom has always been a very tasteful and refined person. So when she was asked to plan my aunt's bridal shower and wedding, we were excited to see the results. My mom took this task very seriously. She had a budget planned and the beginnings of a guest list within the first 24 hours. The wedding events were more than 3 months away but the early start paid off amazingly well. My aunt's shower was a celebration of the happy couple as well as the guests. And the outside wedding was like a gathering of royalty.
Celebration Portraits 
The first goal was to emphasize the true meaning of a bridal shower. Traditionally, this is a celebration of the bride complete with gifts and festivities. But my mom included the groom as well. Taking an idea from past royal weddings, my mom sent requests to the invited guests to compose a brief toast addressed to both the bride and groom. In return, each invited guest received a beautiful photo of the bride and groom in full wedding attire.
This was cheaper than you may assume. The original professional photo was scanned and copied by a printer onto Kodak paper. The photos could be framed as the guests wished. Along with each photo, the guests received their invitations. A small request was included that bridal shower gifts only be household related and not to spend above $20.00. And even a small food dish was welcomed. "Your greatest gift will be your presence on this wonderful occasion!"
Room for Everyone 
There was concern that some uninvited guest would turn up at the bridal shower and wish to come to the actual ceremony. This seems to always be the case regardless how well you plan in advance. Mom resolved this by planning the wedding ceremony to be held outside the church rather than inside. The church was selected for its large courtyard behind which overlooked a pristine lakefront. It would be perfect. She even requested a 3 day buffer date for the ceremony to account for weather. But the proposed date was in June with is typically our driest month.
The Bridal Shower Website 
The bridal shower website was the biggest hit. This included images of the couple with family and friends along with a place for well wishers to post comments. A side area was designated where people could sign the guest list. This gave us an idea of how many seats we would need and how to best prepare. Also directions were included as to how to get to the church, catering information and updates. A very special link was provided for singles to submit their names for the match maker drawings.
Keeping Catering Costs to a Minimum 
The bridal shower could not have been a greater success. The large table inside the church was reception hall was filled with dishes and my mother had prepared much of it herself. The catering expense was minimal as guests also brought food and helped with preparing the reception hall. The bride and groom sat at the center around the large table which was actually two long tables place together so everyone had comfortable seating. The largest expense was perhaps the wine and Champaign which was cleverly negotiated by mom with the caterers. By keeping the extravagance of catering to a minimum, my mom was able to direct her budget toward an elegance that surprised us all. The focus was on the presentation rather than excess.
Memories for Everyone 
After the beautiful banquet everyone was ushered outside to line up for a huge group photo. All the guests were positioned with the happy couple seated in front. Each guest was asked to include a mailing address when they signed in. They each would receive a large high quality scan of this photo marking this occasion they helped to make possible.
A Compassionate Touch 
Following the shower, all the food remaining was divided into very pleasant boxes and provided to the local food shelter. This added a very special touch to the event that warmed everyone's heart. They had come to celebrate the coming together of two very special people and also helped the community.
New Love Connections 
The wedding was made even more special by the secret success of mom's bridal shower planning. The whole shower affair was so intimate that everyone was introduced and new friendships were made. Even a few new love connections were made as a result of the matchmaker drawings! They were no longer simply guests but a merging of one very extended family. No one could have predicted my aunt's wedding would have been such a beautiful success. The event was truly a gift to both the honored couple and each of the honored guests alike.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

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Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Value of Communication in Relationships

The value of communication is perhaps the most overstated concepts in relationship counseling. We tend to take it for granted that talking and listening is important. But do we really understand what it means to be a good listener?

Perhaps the most important aspect of being a good listener is learning more about our partner. This provides shortcuts to resolve potential relationship issues later on. When we listen to our partner we learn a wealth of emotional information about them. We can assume less and pick up more when our partner is in distress.

When spending time with family and friends, I make a conscious effort to be the listener. I reserve my point of view when questioned or at the end of the speaker's commentary. There is a reinforcement of the bond between two people when we validate each others feelings. Being genuinely attentive as they voice their concerns will often diffuse the anger and frustration that builds up during heated arguments. Your partner will also be more inclined to respect your opportunity to voice your views.

Developing the skill to become a good listener is not easy. It can be difficult to put your own agenda on hold and prioritize your partner's concerns. Sometimes I find it necessary to separate myself emotionally from the discussion while my partner is voicing an issue. This helps me to focus objectively on what is being said. It is rare that a mutually beneficial compromise cannot be reached when both parties genuinely listen.

When you are a good listener your partner comes to know you genuinely care about how they are feeling. When you ask your partner how they are doing, they know it's not simply a rhetorical question. I don't ask unless I know I can stop and take time to listen and be fully attentive. Likewise, there are very few things in my life I will prioritize more than my partner's concerns.

It's not always best to cheer your partner up when they convey they are feeling sad or angry. I have learned the hard way that while my partner is temporarily cheered up the underlying cause of the sadness or anger remains. Hearing out the reasons for the anger or sadness allows you both to address it and consider options to resolve the issue. Only after we have fully explored the issue do I try to cheer my partner.

Conveying my views in the form of a question takes the bite out of my response. This keeps my partner in the director's seat of the conversation and allows for continued sharing. Sometimes there seems no easy way to respond to an emotionally loaded statement. Taking care to never respond to a question with another question is also important. This is often perceived as being condescending.

When it is finally my turn to speak I always ask myself the same questions and genuinely listen to my inner response. Do I love my partner? Is my partner still an intimate part of my life? This helps me to not say things I don't mean in frustration. It focuses me on my goal which is to validate my partner's concerns and seek to come to a compromise.

Sources:
Experience in Associate Studies in Family Counseling

Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com

Being Happily Single is Not Being a Cheater

I have often been labeled a player, but I describe myself as happily single. There are differences between what is commonly known as a player and my personal lifestyle and relationship choices.

Player is typically a derogatory term that describes one that misleads a partner with a false self representation for the purpose of getting them into bed. I do not mislead anyone and everyone with whom I have relations is well aware I am not seeking a committed involvement with anyone.

It has been my experience that cheaters do so solely as a result of a childish need sample everything on the table. I have studied psychology and I have never once seen an instance where cheating occurred as a result of childhood trauma, fear of commitment or a troubled prior relationship history. In every instance, cheaters have exhibited the same behavior. Take them to a buffet and they will fill their plates with a little of everything.

Women especially are surprised to learn their partner's lover is often less attractive, in poor shape and perhaps more openly promiscuous so to speak. This is not uncommon. Slumming it seems to be the norm among male cheaters out looking for some strange.

Studies have shown cheaters consider their partners more attractive than their affair mates. Only 30 percent of men cheated with women younger than their significant others. Only 1/4 described their affair mates as more interesting or in better shape than their significant others.
Male cheaters often describe their affair mates as better listeners, more passionate and caring than their significant others. However, in any other scenario other than infidelity counselors would call foul at such nonsense citing this as an excuse response. If I found my lover to be more passionate, caring and more genuinely invested in my feelings I would leave my significant other. If discovered, I certainly would not beg her forgiveness and vow to never do it again.

So why cheat? As mentioned earlier, I see no need to mislead anyone about myself or my desire to remain non-committed. I don't feel I need to initially state up front my position with every person I meet. If I see the person is beginning to move us beyond friendship I do make it clear I have no intention of being anyone's partner. I have personal goals for myself that require my full attention. This is not to say I do not welcome close friendship or cuddling or even more.

My female cheating friends often say their affair partners are better listeners; more affectionate, more passionate and more attentive to their emotional needs than their significant others. Perhaps this is true as women value these relationship traits in general. However, in almost every instance among my female cheater friends a few other factors are at play. I have found they prefer affair partners who are more attractive, in better shape and earn more money than their significant others.

Many studies and articles have addressed cheating in relationships and infidelity in marriages. But how can a study accurately represent the facts if the participants are inherently known cheaters and liars? Perhaps an accurate study requires close examination of a cheater in his/her natural habitat. I have often been mislabeled as a cheater myself. So perhaps my colors somewhat resemble that of genuine cheaters. For this reason cheaters open up to me more than they would anyone else, stating I know what it's like to be the way they are.
To the untrained eye, perhaps I do resemble a cheater being seen out with a different partner most every weekend.

Cheaters I have encountered typically live stressful and constantly tumultuous double lives. They exist like criminals on the run always in hiding as a result of their own dishonesty. In general, they do not seem to be happy with themselves or capable of achieving satisfaction in committed relationships.

To the untrained eye, perhaps I do resemble a cheater being seen out with a different partner most every weekend. But I have found honesty and full disclosure to be the best policy. This has enabled me to operate out in the open without fear of who sees me or with whom. This is the difference between being a cheater and being happily single.
Source:
Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Bad Penny

The Return of My Ex Wife



The events that led to my divorce years ago nearly wrecked my entire life. My troubled relationship with my ex wife was a valid emotional addiction. Getting over her was perhaps the most difficult struggle I have ever faced. Now years later she has returned out of the blue! 

"That woman is like a bad penny!" My mother exclaimed as she sat with my daughter, Claire, over tea and bagels. I was away on business and my 15 year old daughter was left to hold down the fort. We had compromised that she could have some girlfriends over but there were to be no parties. There was a knock at the door and my daughter answered to see a very attractive woman standing on our porch. The way the woman was dressed reminded Claire of a viper. 

The woman lowered her shades and gave my daughter a head to toe evaluation. Claire was instantly made to feel inferior by the woman in one single glance. But my daughter was not taken completely by surprise. She had seen this woman before among my old pictures. The woman was her father's ex wife. "I'm sorry but my father isn't home, Ma'am. I can't allow strangers inside but I can leave him a message if you like." 

Claire's deliberate emphasis on the words "Ma'am and Strangers" was a counter strike for the snooty glance the woman had given her. She pretended not to know the woman and placed herself in the center of the doorway. Claire's grandfather had once said this woman had broken a thick whiskey bottle over a girl's head and threatened her with the jagged edge. Claire studied a particularly vicious form of martial arts known as Krav Maga. The woman was older, thinner and smaller than my daughter. My daughter was very fitness conscious. She was taut and muscular and boasted of having almost no excess body fat. Within mere seconds of meeting each other it was clear neither approved of the other. 

Without a word the woman returned to her beautiful black BMW and drove away. Claire rushed to her phone and called my mother who lived next door. My mother was at the door a few moments later. She inquired if the woman had said anything. She admitted that her silence was a bad sign. From previous experience, this could indicate that she had personal motives for showing up. Claire saw concern in my mother's eyes. The return of my ex wife would most certainly end badly regardless of the scenario. She warned my daughter to steer clear of the woman. She was dangerous in a way few had ever given her credit for. My mother should have noticed that my daughter remained quiet and did not say either way if she would leave the situation alone. 

My ex wife worked as a nurse at a local hospital. The prospect of anyone being In the care of this woman made my mother and Claire's grandmother shudder. Unlike me, my ex wife continued to gain infamy after we split. She had remarried twice after our divorce. Her second husband's career as a police officer was destroyed as a result of their marital problems. The third husband had been shot in the back. The husband recovered and the incident was deemed accidental. 

When the woman appeared in the hospital parking lot my daughter was there parked beside her BMW. She leaned against the front of our SUV. Today my daughter was not dressed in sweatpants and a flannel shirt. She was in knee high leather heeled boots, tight blue jeans and a cropped halter top. Her auburn hair was no longer in her typical pony tail but draped across her shoulders. I knew the outfit and thought my daughter had gotten rid of it as I had commanded. When my ex wife saw my daughter she stopped in her tracks. She seemed uneasy as she approached. She inquired how my daughter had found where she worked. My daughter ignored her question and stated, "I think we should talk." 

Claire stated innocently that she understood if the woman was frightened to get in the SUV. My ex wife boldly accepted the ride. My daughter drove to a well populated Mexican restaurant in the mall. Claire smiled as my ex wife took it upon herself to order warm milk for the child and a tequila shot for herself. Before the discussion began Claire's phone rang and she politely apologized stating the call was important. My ex wife stared at her as Claire cooed and flirted with the voice on the phone. My ex wife's jaw dropped as Claire ended the conversation with her caller. "I'm actually having lunch with your mother at this very moment. I will call you tonight and let you know how it went." 

Claire sat the phone down and informed my ex wife she had met her son. She confided that she had repeatedly reminded him they are technically step siblings. But Gage did not seem to mind, he seemed determined to pursue Claire. He had called her every day since they met at a party nearly a week ago. Claire then asked the astonished woman how a mother would feel watching helplessly as her son's life was systematically devoured by a caustic and toxic relationship. "How do you think my grandmother felt watching you destroy her son's life? How would you feel if someone were to put your son through that same hell, knowing there was nothing you could do to stop it?" 

Claire sat a $20 on the table and got up. She took her glass of warm milk and gulped it down until it was gone. She pointed at the tequila shot warning that long term alcohol use will add 10 years to her appearance. Claire gave the older woman a saddened final evaluation. She left the woman at the restaurant to find her own way back. My ex wife has not returned since. 

My daughter spent the next four weeks of her young life grounded. My mother disagreed with my decision to place Claire under house arrest but understood my reasons. Perhaps my daughter's approach was the only solution to the threat posed to her family. But my concern was the danger in which she had placed herself.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Walmart Shopping Undercover

Recommended disguises by celebs when shopping at Wal-Mart
There is an urban legend that says you will typically run into people you don't want to see while shopping at Wal-Mart. I have to agree. I have a ritual when I plan to go grocery shopping. I put on a hat, large shades and non-descript clothing. When I walk into the large sliding glass doors, customers begin to whisper wondering if I am a celebrity or something. "Excuse me, but haven't I seen you on television?"

Other than the occasional autograph, I rarely get noticed by my ex girlfriend, my boss whom I've told I was sick or friends whom I owe money. The trick is to get in and out fast! A detailed shopping list should be arranged in order along a well rehearsed route that ends at the express lane. I purchase a Wal-Mart cash card online to ensure I don’t get held up in the line too long and further risk exposure. A large gossip publication is useful to hide my face in particularly long lines. I recommend National Inquirer when my own torrid affairs aren't scrawled across their front page.

Inevitably, even with all your efforts, someone will no doubt identify you. Play it off and don't act suspicious. Raise your eyebrows and smile wide as if they were the exact person you have been hoping to see while at Wal-Mart. Take off your shades now because you no longer require them.

Hug the ex girlfriend, boss, your mother or your friend and nonchalantly explain your well rehearsed dialog of why you are dressed like a secret agent in Wal-Mart. "Yes, I realize your current lover looks ten times better than I do but I didn't feel like getting dressed up. Yes, I am still very sick, sir. Notice I have a box of Nyquil here. I love you too, mom. And I will try to get home more often to be berated on my torrid lifestyle. Dude! I swear I cashed the check yesterday and will have your money to you by tomorrow!"

Another good saying is, "If you can't find it at Wal-Mart, It can't be bought." I have certainly found my experiences at Wal-Mart to be priceless!

Previously Posted on FullofKnowlege.com